Well, this is really not something new. I have been thinking about this for several years now, but in a recent email exchange, the subject came up again and I decided to scribble something about it here.

I think that the western romance novels and movies have been the major causes for numerous bad relationships in the world (what? now I am blaming the West for the world? :p). Why? Why am I pulling a Lieberman (I’ve been wanting to use this phrase :p)? I think they have been brainwashing us with this illusion that there, in this world, is the one that’s right for you. And a lot of the relationships have suffered because people were having doubts about their current relationships. It would also have you believe that there is a “free lunch” after all. That is, the only thing you have to do is to find “the one”, and the rest will be a breeze.

You are still not convinced? Let me show you how absurd the concept is. One of its obvious problems is statistical. There are probably tens of billion people in the world in your life time. But how many different people do you actual get to meet? If there is such a person (which I cannot disprove, BTW), what are the chances that he/she speaks the same language, has the same ethnic/cultural background and/or even lives in the same time (of course, “Somewhere in Time” starring Jane Seymour and Christopher Reeve dealt with the very subject)? From the statistical point of view, this is not even funny. If we insist it’s true, then, we have to think that for most people, they are just settling for something less than the best. How sad is it then?

And the another real problem with it is that the people’s concept of their “the one” changes over time. Just think about it. Is your “dream” girlfriend/boyfriend when you were in high school the same as post-college or after 30 or even later? I don’t think so. Do you still think that this concept of “the one and only” is valid?

Then what? Do you think it’s even sadder to not have this “romantic” illusion? Let me tell you what I think (yeah, who’s going to stop that?). I believe there are several “best” matches for you in the world. They are not perfect, but they have a good start for a wonderful relationship. I think you should feel lucky to find even one of them in your life. But the real thing starts from the moment you two meet.

There is no free lunch. Find a compatible partner is only a start. Now you two have to work these quirks out to bring the relationship ever close to being “perfect”. I think the most important part is this, working together to become one. I don’t think the novels and movies put enough stress on this “working” part.