Hong’s Cave

On a personal reflection…

I don’t have much accents in my English even though I spent the most of my first 24 years in Korea. This often puts people around me and myself in a bit awkward (?) place.

For example, at a wedding reception of one of my friends recently in Seattle, I was talking to one of the guests I just met at the reception. We were talking for a while and since she was doing a sociology research on Asian immigrants, I mentioned that it has been 7 years since I came to the U.S. Her response was, “Really? So did you attend an international school there?” No, I didn’t, I said. An expression of surprise continued for a while.

Anyway, the thing is, because of my English and my shallow, but broad knowledge of some segments of the popular American culture, even some of my American friends seem to often forget that I didn’t grow up here. So once in a while, I am often faced with a perplexed expression. On the same weekend, Sanjeev (who grew up here) and I were talking about something and he mentioned a children’s story that every American kid should know about. I had no idea, and he looked at me funny. I had to explain that I didn’t grow up here and there are certain things I have no idea about.

And recently I realized that not only this happens to people around me, but also to myself. Because I am not a typical Korean and I am fairly comfortable with English, I often seem to think that I would act as any American would. The thing is, I may not be a typical Korean, but I am not a typical American either. When it comes to my feelings and instincts, I am following what I am used to, a lot of which happens to be quite “Korean”. Also I don’t have any reason or intention to deny that fact. It’s just that I am often surprised at myself for being such a “Korean” (whatever that may be).

Maybe I am having an identity crisis at the ripe age of 31. :p