June 1999 Archives

I just remembered again... It's been several months now, but I found out quite suddenly that a good friend of mine died last October. I found out about it around March, I think. It was so unreal.

I happened to see her at a Korean restaurant in Manhattan on the Fourth of July. I was visiting a friend in Philadelphia and we drove up to NYC to see the fireworks. And that was the last time I heard of her before I was talking on the phone with a mutual friend last March. Since I didn't get to see her that often for the past three years, it seems nothing in my daily life has changed. But still, to think that that person who was very smart and loved mystery novels, opera and jazz does not physically exists any more on this planet... it still doesn't feel real.

I knew she had health problems several years ago and had to take a year off studying, but I thought that was all behind her. I think I emailed her last December and at the time I thought she was too busy or went back to Korea for the holidays to reply it back.

It just came back again suddenly today. I think it's because she was the first person that I knew well and who's of my age who passed away, and the death was so sudden and unexpected. As resilient as the life seems to be, we are often reminded how fragile it also is.

I guess it will be a while yet before I'd be able to not think about this subject all the time. :) I've been tackling another Erich Fromm, Man for Himself for some time now (too busy at work). It's supposedly about "ethics," but so far it's mostly about "characters" and stuff. I think his later works are getting too specific and less interesting to me...

Anyway, a subject of "love" came up when Fromm was discussing "character" (I hope I got these terminologies correct). His "love" seems to be somewhat different from what we are usually familiar with. Especially, he seemed to be trying to separate "lust" or "passion" from it. To him, "love" (actually, I think he called it "productive love") requires four things: care, responsibility, respect and knowledge.

They all sound reasonable requirements. But my still "young" heart tells me that it needs some thumping, physical attraction, beside those. What do you think?

I've never had much conviction about anything (well, except, somehow, for certain things about myself). I don't subscribe to any one particular religion. I have doubts about "absolute truths." So, when I hear someone makes comments on things with absolute conviction, I get taken aback, usually.

I've always thought that things (or facts) can be interpreted differently. Initially, I couldn't quite explain why I thought so. But lately one subject keeps coming to me that might explain.

It's very simple. As I mentioned earlier in this page, it's all because of us, humans. Humans can think of more things than any other beings in the universe (that we know of), to put "values" on. Actually on everything we interact with, not only in biological or physiological sense, but also in conceptual or mental levels. And these levels of thinking or putting "values" can be different.

For example, I "believe" that the universe itself is "indifferent" (or impartial) to anything that's in it. On the other hand, humans have to put significance on their own existence because it's a string that gets attached to the gift of thinking. One factual event can have different meanings on a different levels (these include time, space, individual, groups, and level of views). Let's say a tree was cut in a forest. To the logger, it's a good thing because it will provide him with food and shelter. To our next generation, it might not be so because of the environmental damages. To the universe, it's just one event in its timeless and ever-expanding history.

My point isn't about "everything is relative; there is nothing good or bad; who cares." My point is that it is not and should not be hurried to pass judgment on anything, especially based on facts not evaluated by each individual often enough. In fact, we need to put great efforts defining our evaluation criteria and need to re-evaluate themselves frequently as ourselves and our environment changes. We should care more about how we form the criteria because we need to judge (or put "values" on).

Actually, I started thinking about this again when a frequent question of "can one person make the difference?" came up again in a conversation. I said there something like it didn't matter to the universe. Someone said that was one very sad view of the world. I guess "the world" and "the universe" there don't mean the same thing. On the human society level, I believe the collective efforts from each individual can over time. I also think that most of the initiator of some social movements don't get to see the fruit of what they started. As I said, it all depends where you are looking from.