August 2000 Archives

Just got thinking again (gasp!). I think I've been realizing how important a concrete example is.

There are many reasons why I still haven't found a life-mate yet. Definitely one of them is that I still feel quite comfortable living by myself (which is a dangerous thing). I think, however, the bigger reason is that I haven't had concrete "criteria" for deciding who's perfect for me (and vice versa).

What I mean is that when my friends and relatives offer to introduce me to someone, they usually ask what I look for in the other party. Well, I didn't even have a vague image of her, let alone describe the "qualities" in words. I guess you could say that I had no clue. I never thought of myself as "fastidious" (more of "easy-going"), but when I get the feedback from my friends, I have to agree that maybe that's the ultimate "choosy"-ness.

Of course, I do have public figures that I fancy (especially female actors and singers), but that's just fantasies based on fictional/public images. And I am fully aware (as are most other people) that trying to find someone real in this world, based on those fantasies is just pointless and futile self-deception.

See, without "examples" and "criteria", even if I met a "perfect" match, it would take a long time for me to realize that and it just makes me more critical and analyze too much. So, I let a lot of good opportunities slip by. In other words, you can say that I wasn't ready...

I think this was how I was till last year (or last millennium if you feel like being grandiose). I think now I have an "image". It's still a bit too vague for me to explain verbally, but now I feel somewhat confident that I would be able to tell when I see one. Sure, it didn't work that well with the actual model of this image (my fault), but at least I do have a concrete example in my mind.