November 2000 Archives

Just a divertimento. :)

I think people have selective memory, very selective I should say. I seem to have many memories from my childhood which I have no idea why I should remember. :) One of them is my dad telling me that I lack observational skills. Since he knew that I used to say I would like to become a scientist, he wanted me to notice things around me. The thing was, most of the things that he pointed out was "natural" things, especial of flora (seasonal flowers and trees). I definitely had no interest in them. I guess it's because I grew up in a crowded city where there were plenty of things to excite me other than the nature.

Instead, I liked to observe people and their behaviors. I think it started with my mom. I've always been close to her and one of the first things I learned was to "read" her. :) Also, I think I sometimes "used" her as my laboratory of human responses (I know it sounds bad, but hey, it's not my fault that I had no siblings :p).

Anyway, I think the preamble is getting a bit long (I think it might be longer than what I wanted to say originally...). So, it's not all the time, but I like observing people, how they act and react. I guess it's just not me that's doing it, but I often notice certain things that some people do fascinating, something that is different from my behavior or even some of my own behavior that I haven't yet noticed.

So, there is this tea shop in Cupertino Village (an Asian shopping area in the Bay Area) called TenRen's Tea House (I was told that TenRen is a Taiwanese company which make pretty good tea bags). It's one of my favorite place to get a cold pearl tea (you know what it is, if you are a fan :)). They also have thousand-year eggs (or was it hundred-year...), but I have yet to try them.

Beside the tea, probably the biggest reason that I frequent the shop is the owner lady there who also makes tea (I think she's the shop owner). The thing I noticed was that she had particular "movements" for whatever she was doing (pouring teas, putting and getting things in and out of microwaves, shaking teas in the shaker, taking a sip of the mixed teas, grabbing things off the shelves, etc.).

She does it so methodically that I can almost see "art" in her movements and tea making. I am not saying that the tea there is the best in the world or anything. It's just that I find it interesting to see how one can use one's situation to one's advantage.

Well, reading again what I wrote above, I don't think what I wanted to say didn't come out well. Well, if you are in the area, try visit her shop and appreciate the art of tea making.

By the way, CNN had an article about this type of tea.

I guess this can be another view against black-and-white point of views... (this isn't really not too well thought out yet...)

One of the frustrating things I see (not that I would really get frustrated or something) is that some people seem to believe that things can be only be one way or the other. Although sometimes I do envy some of their unwavering conviction, I can't help but become sad and frustrated at their stubbornness and inflexibility.

I think these inflexible concepts and ideas are restricting people's ability to understand. Their minds are already determined to believe and think the world as such without further inspection, when, in fact, those can be influenced and formed by other people's interpretation of the world, experiencing very little of the world themselves. As I mentioned in another section, there is definitely a benefit to generalization and common sense (efficiency vs. flexibility). However, blindly believing that some opinions or something will be true all the time, seems simply just irresponsible (I think we have become quite too efficient at things).

I believe there is no absolute truth. There are facts and events, however, we will never get around to hearing or learning only those. They will always be filtered through someone's interpretations. What I mean by "no absolute truth" (I do understand that it is self-conflicting) is that almost all the time, things can and will be interpreted differently. That is, even for the same events of things, they will have different circumstances or environments, which warrants different interpretations of the same events.

I think a lot of (most?) people seem to have difficulty carrying uncertainties and/or seemingly conflicting ideas without going insane. I think people like to generalize/categorize things because that way, they don't have to think much and I guess, there are other things that are more immediate to their lives.

I think this ability to be comfortable with seemingly conflicting ideas can be very important. I think that might be the only way to be open to things beyond oneself.

This is also an old subject and it actually follows logically from this quip and related to this one.

I believe the communication between individuals is the most important thing for any society to function and survive (this "society" includes from a group of two (e.g., lovers) to a nation and more).

The main problem is that we naturally tend to think that others would think and act exactly the same way as we do. This comes from the fact that we live in a similar environment. This "environment" includes the earth we live on, the shape and the function of our body and sensory systems, the time we live in, and the social and the cultural backgrounds. What this means is that a lot of the times, we do think and act similar.

However, since we are not the kind of beings that share our consciousness (unless we are under-utilizing our ability to use our telepathic powers), we would never know what others are really thinking. Without truthful communication, all we have is guesses, estimates and assumptions (which are often incorrect). The human race can only communicate with each other through explicit methods (talking, writing, reading, etc.). Even with the limits of the human language, that is probably the best way.

We have to realize this fact and always remember that until we find a common ground (actually, even after that, since we as individuals go through different experience), we have to constantly "sync up" with each other by communication.

I am not saying that we should all be the same. That's boring, impossible and unnatural. What I am saying is that recognize the differences and understand the others as who they are.

Most of these thoughts came from reading science fictions where some of them deal with extra-terrestrials (e.g., "Ender's Game" and Star Trek). The fact of the matter is that even we encounter an alien race, it might not be possible, at least in the beginning, to even find a common ground, let alone to communicate.

However, on a smaller, down-to-earth scale, it has to do with communicating with your loved ones. Let them understand you and understand them.

Well, this is really not something new. I have been thinking about this for several years now, but in a recent email exchange, the subject came up again and I decided to scribble something about it here.

I think that the western romance novels and movies have been the major causes for numerous bad relationships in the world (what? now I am blaming the West for the world? :p). Why? Why am I pulling a Lieberman (I've been wanting to use this phrase :p)? I think they have been brainwashing us with this illusion that there, in this world, is the one that's right for you. And a lot of the relationships have suffered because people were having doubts about their current relationships. It would also have you believe that there is a "free lunch" after all. That is, the only thing you have to do is to find "the one", and the rest will be a breeze.

You are still not convinced? Let me show you how absurd the concept is. One of its obvious problems is statistical. There are probably tens of billion people in the world in your life time. But how many different people do you actual get to meet? If there is such a person (which I cannot disprove, BTW), what are the chances that he/she speaks the same language, has the same ethnic/cultural background and/or even lives in the same time (of course, "Somewhere in Time" starring Jane Seymour and Christopher Reeve dealt with the very subject)? From the statistical point of view, this is not even funny. If we insist it's true, then, we have to think that for most people, they are just settling for something less than the best. How sad is it then?

And the another real problem with it is that the people's concept of their "the one" changes over time. Just think about it. Is your "dream" girlfriend/boyfriend when you were in high school the same as post-college or after 30 or even later? I don't think so. Do you still think that this concept of "the one and only" is valid?

Then what? Do you think it's even sadder to not have this "romantic" illusion? Let me tell you what I think (yeah, who's going to stop that?). I believe there are several "best" matches for you in the world. They are not perfect, but they have a good start for a wonderful relationship. I think you should feel lucky to find even one of them in your life. But the real thing starts from the moment you two meet.

There is no free lunch. Find a compatible partner is only a start. Now you two have to work these quirks out to bring the relationship ever close to being "perfect". I think the most important part is this, working together to become one. I don't think the novels and movies put enough stress on this "working" part.