November 2001 Archives

Quite a huge gap between the dates, I can see... I have been distracted for the last month or so, I guess. I never thought that I had an addictive personality, but I do get fascinated by gadgets a lot. So for the past several weeks, I have been trying to follow everything about the Xbox, a new game console from Microsoft debuting tomorrow.

Although I've always been interested in computer and video games, I am, by no means, what one might call an avid, hard-core gamer. But still, I've followed a handful of the fan websites and posted more than a few hundred posts so far on some of the message boards.

And recently, one of my friends introduced me to a web community with a seemingly popular online activity feature often known as "oekaki" (it literally means "picture drawing" in Japanese). It's basically a drawing message board where one has to draw a picture on his/her computer using a simple painting tool and where others can make comments on it.

I've never thought of myself as being good at drawing. Actually, art was one of my most dreaded subjects when I was in school, and I remember I barely managed it. I did take drawing lessons when I was really young, but I didn't continue for long.

Anyway, what surprised me was that I kind of liked it. As I have learned this year through a digital camera, this was one of the many ways that one can express oneself. Before that, my main outlet is through playing music or singing, which has been the main conduit ever since I was a kid. Then later during my high teen years, I've learned to manage with writing (I am still pretty bad at it, but much better than before). And this year I somehow manage to learn to recognize and internalize better what I've been looking at without much care.

This very crude way of drawing pictures online was a bit addictive, too, as was the digital photography. I am not even close to "good," but am turned out to be good enough to express few things. Maybe, I am constantly looking for is to find a sufficient means to express myself...

Anyway, I thought about these recent "addiction"... It seems it came after the 9/11 incident. Although I don't seem to get affected on the surface, it seems, subconsciously, I am in a listless, helpless mood. Actually, I stopped watching any of the news programs on TV after the second week after the incident. I stopped following it closely (I did initially, though), but it seems it is still bothering me at some level.

Or, it could be just a totally different thing... I need something better to do... Like finding a soul-mate (as my parents remind me often enough)... Anyway, it's definitely true that I lack certain drives these days... Maybe, I am just in a down cycle...